Peter.......

DON'T DREAM IT - BE IT.......

For those who know my Blog, this story may challenge some of my readers - for others I hope it inspires. It is a true story from my life that I have pondered on for some time, and have decided (with a little prompting from a friend) to narrate and reflect on. Its is not about Nursing, or Health Care, or Education - it is about a very special type of love....

This is a story about the brother I never had - Peter.

In 1970 I was a young 14 year old boy in in a fairly rough north London all boys Comprehensive School of some 2000 pupils on the Finchley Road. I lived with my parents in a rather unusual circumstance. My Fathers job as a property manager of a very large office block in Mayfair had me living in a Penthouse Flat in Berkeley Square. Not your average residence I think you will agree.  

My best friend at school was Peter - and as fate would have it his personal family circumstance was as eccentric as mine. His father was the Chief Constable at Hyde Park Police`Station. Consequently he lived in this (then) operational station in the centre of Hyde Park itself.  

Hyde Park 1974

A Penthouse in Berkeley Square

Peter and I were inseparable, traveling to and from school together, enjoying the same music, having the same rather quirky sense of humour. We walked the streets of the West End of London, Mayfair, Soho - and gathered around us a group of like minded people, young men and women - growing to adulthood. We were (to say the least) a little theatrical, and put on plays in our rough School, we met people in Theatre Land who encouraged us to do amateur productions in the Royal Court Theatre. We traveled to theatre clubs, and allowed our eccentricity to mature.

Shepherds Market - Mayfair 

It was surely no surprise that Peter would be a fully "out" Gay man by 16 years of age. Those around in that special group all had varied gender preferences, but our general tone was unquestionably camp and tending to the outrageous. And all through this Peter and I remained devoted to each other as brothers, as true and real friends.  

Let me give you just a few vignettes of our youthful antics:

Our School had the predictable "House" structure (Churchill House, Armstrong House etc ad nauseam) into which we were all supposed to devote our enthusiasms to gain points and get school awards. In a moment of brilliance Peter introduced a new House - Wendy House! The membership of Wendy House was exclusive and the very mention of its name outraged those Teachers with less than liberal attitudes. 

Some Members of Wendy House - Left to Right

Philip Herbert, Dave Barton, Davina Boyd, Amanda Wise 

When a new play opened in an old Cinema on the Kings Road in 1973 Peter in arrived at school breathless with rapture - we were 17 years old. The Rocky Horror Showed had fired his imagination and enthusiasm. He dragged the members of Wendy House to see it - and we were all hooked. Subsequently Wendy House attended the Rocky Horror Show twice weekly - all this long before its cult status. On the last night that Tim Curry played Frankenfurter we had front row seats - and he blew us a kiss as he sang the last words of "I'm going home". 

And so we camped and pranced our way across London, dancing the Time Warp on the Central Line, outraging the public we passed both in our appearance and behaviour. 

Peter became a Drag Artist - and named his character Adrella La Camp (after a irritating Teachers name - Adele). He had made us all do a music hall concert in the School - and described me in a dress as the ugliest woman he had ever seen. To this day I sing songs from "Oh what a lovely War" that he made me learn....... 

Life was SO long.

Adrella's 1st Performance - The School Musical / Oh What a Lovely War 

1976 - And then......

Peters life and mine parted - at 20 years of age we went in different directions, down different roads. Peter was developing a successful career as a Drag artist on the London Scene, and I was going my way, a path that would take me to a long career in nursing.

2010 - And then.... 34 Years Later.....

I had become a nurse, a father, a teacher. Funnily enough my 3 sons knew of Peter as I had told them openly and honestly of my eccentric adolescence. They loved the stories about Peter .......

I search for him - Facebook, Google, Youtube - and there he was - Adrella La Camp - working with Paul O'Grady and so many others!! I contacted him - and he contacted me - we had been looking for each other for years. We Skype - so natural, so easy, flippant, camp. 

I travel to London on academic nursing business frequently. I meet Peter in his flat in Soho - we are older - but we are still true friends - the passing years have changed nothing. Brothers....

And what of Wendy House - we lost so many of them, those beautiful funny clever friends - to HIV - I am staggered - saddened - those colourful young men - all gone ........

2012 - Peter dies from lung cancer - his funeral is a Glorious Glittering Camp celebration, Paul O'Grady delivers a eulogy that has an audience of hundreds in tears and roaring with laughter - "I didn't want to tell you - but I never liked Lisa Minnelli". As the Coffin disappears we hear the music from Rocky Horror - "I'm going home".

I weep for the brother I never had..... 

By the way - he had a thing for men in Uniform......

Facebook - Adrella

IF - You will be a Man my Son

IF  

IF - I had a choice - I would change nothing... 

31 years ago my life was to change forever. I was transformed from a young man living with his girlfriend, living the dream, drinking, partying, working. I was transformed by the arrival of my 1st son Thomas. Never again was I to be at the centre of my universe. I stood there on a hot sunny morning in July 1983 and stared in wonder at the tiny bundle of life that I had in part made. Thomas stared back at me. It was a beginning.

31 years later I have 3 adult sons, Tom, Sam and Robert. They tower over me - big strong men, and each in their own diverse way their own man. I am immensely proud of them, and count myself lucky that as they have become adults they are now not only my sons - but also my friends.

Today my youngest son Robert left home to live with his wonderful girlfriend. In many ways he had left already, it was only circumstance that had him living in his parents home these last few years. 

But today I have realised that my sons have have finally all flown the nest. They are living their own lives - and that is quite as it should be. Today Jan and face the next stage of our long  journey together - living together as we did when we met in 1980 - just the 2 of us. But now we are older, and grandparents to the adorable Dafydd and Izaak. 

Today - I wish my sons well - they transformed me. They inspired me...

IF

If you can keep your head when all about you   

    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

    But make allowance for their doubting too;   

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;   

    If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;   

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

    And treat those two impostors just the same;   

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

    And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   

    Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

    If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   

    And - which is more - you’ll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling

----------------------

In Memory of my Father
WW2 RAF Squadron Leader - an Inspiration

And Unintentional Comedian 

Thomas Hillary Barton

In Memory of Melanie

IN MEMORY OF

Melanie

A Friend, A Colleague, A Leader, A Nurse

A Leading Academic

THE ULTIMATE REFLECTIVE PRACTITIONER

Mother, Grandmother, Wife

Lost to us 2014 .....

"Tears are sometimes an inappropriate response to death. When a life has been lived completely honestly, completely successfully, or just completely, the correct response to death's perfect punctuation mark is a smile."  Julie Burchill 

“A death is not the extinguishing of a light, but the putting out of the lamp because the dawn has come.” Unknown

You Only Die Once - #YODO
Leave a Legacy 

Melanie has left a rich Legacy
And has left us the the Melanie Jasper Memorial Best Student Award 

Rest In Peace

Professor Melanie Jasper

Swansea University Remembers

A Good Friend

Melanie and I attend an Academic Dinner in 2009

We had such a nice evening.